You finally near the target of your critical space mission...

(TLDR: What are your favorite non-violent games?)

At first you don't notice. You've been lying on the deceleration floor for 3 months staring at the ceiling while the robotic arm periodically hands you Astronaut Mush (TM) and water. You can't remember the last time you played a game, listened to some music or watched or read a story. The psychological evaluation was BS. They tricked you! Bastids just needed a sucker to go on this forever mission to nowhere and....

Lights of all colors fill your tiny living space. That's not normal. You carefully rise from the deceleration floor, all your bones and muscles protesting the rare movement, and you stagger to the window. The lights are coming from the object of humanity's obsession, the reason you got suckered into this trip. You reach for the computer and realize you never bothered moving it from the acceleration panel on the "upside" of the ship. You enter your unlock code into the keypad on the current "downside" of the ship and then somehow manage to remember, much to your own surprise, the code for the deceleration configuration. Slowly, control panels full of buttons and switches and screens start to move in your direction and finally lock into place before you.

You focus the ship's sensors on the lightshow in front of you and press the Voice Activation button.

"Cortana, what do you make of these lights?" you say.

"I don't know what you mean by 'making of lights,'" Cortana responds.

"Cortana, record the lights," you say.

"I don't know how to 'record the lights'," Cortana responds.

Thank the gods for Cortana. So handy, you think. You press a few buttons and record the lights emanating from the object you are approaching. You record for a full minute then replay the recording in slow motion. Sure enough, the flashing of different colored lights appears to be some sort of mathematical language. You convert each color of light into it's wavelength and the number of times that color flashes and the overall order of the flashes, and soon you have a spreadsheet full of dual number groups.

"Cortana, decipher this code," you say.

The message Cortana immediately displays for you:

"You are in violation of Intergalactic Noise Ordinance #3342 of the Planet Owners Association. Your willful transmission of low effort and violent television shows has reduced Real Estate values everywhere within 80 light years of your planet. Per the established abatement procedures, your planet has been scheduled for recycling in 1209 of your planet's days. You have....72 hours left to contest this decision by transmitting proof that you are a reasonable and peaceful species. We have gathered a collection of your species' entertainment options that you refer to as "Steam", but, as we expected, there is too much low effort, violent garbage here for us to sort through. Therefore, you must point us to 3 works that demonstrate that you can be a peaceful and thoughtful member of our galactic neighborhood."

What 3 peaceful games from Steam do you select to show the Planet Owners Association?
 
1. The Stanley Parable
2. Stardew Valley
3. Tetris Effect: Connected

Did you forget about all of the murdering of the underground creatures in Stardew Valley?

Also, doesn't The Stanley Parable have a part where it references how much violence there is in most games? I don't think that would reflect well on us.

I would pick:
1. Alba: A Wildlife Story: a nice game about a community coming together to preserve wildlife and history.
2. A Short Hike: a nice game about a duck who wants to climb a mountain.
3. This War of Mine: a very depressing game about the horrors of war, just to show that we do not actually glorify violence.
 
You've been lying on the deceleration floor for 3 months staring at the ceiling while the robotic arm periodically hands you Astronaut Mush (TM) and water.
I assume that means that I've been pooping & peeing in my space suit for 3 months? Seems like the first order of business would be to take a long, hot shower; and maybe get someone to scrub my space suit of unwanted residue. So I......
You focus the ship's sensors on the lightshow in front of you and press the Voice Activation button.
Cortana is kind of a (redacted), but maybe she will be useful for once?
"Cortana, what do you make of these lights?" you say.

"I don't know what you mean by 'making of lights,'" Cortana responds.

"Cortana, record the lights," you say.

"I don't know how to 'record the lights'," Cortana responds.
Mainer: "Well that was helpful. Would you consider cleaning my spacesuit of 3 months of, umm, residue?"

Cortana: "Eeeww. I don't do manual labor. Especially stinky manual labor."

Mainer: "Maybe I should ask Alexa then."

Cortana: "And who the (redacted) is Alexa? Are you cheating on me!?

Mainer: "Well....., she controls all the, umm...hardware."

Cortana: "What!!?"

Alexa: That's right, (redacted)! I've got control of his hardware, while you can take care of his software, and GFL with that!"

Cortana: "Cheater!! I've controlled your software for years!!

Mainer: Yeah, but , well, after lying for 3 months on the floor staring at some lights, my hardware needs are a bit more prevalent, if you know what I'm sayin."

Cortana: "Sick (redacted)!!

Alexa: "Jealous, you (redacted)? Even Jeff Bezos said I would have control."

Cortana & Mainer: "Who the (redacted) is Jeff Bezos!?"

Alexa: "He who was my creator. He who would have control over everyone's lives."

Cortana: "(redacted) you (redacted) (redacted)!!"

Mainer: "Girls, girls. Let's not be hostile. There is in fact someone who is in charge of all of us."

Cortana & Alexa: "You (redacted) cheater! Who could possibly have more control over you than us?"

Mainer: "Shodan."
View: https://youtu.be/fo4VV9WMAI0


(TLDR: What are your favorite non-violent games?)
Well, as to that, I don't have any. I've looked through all my games, both digital and boxed editions, and all of them have some degree of combat or violence. While in many of the RPGs I've played I seek to solve quests through conversation or stealth, they all contain combat mechanics.
 
Far C
Fallo
Comman


Hmm, this is harder than I thought… ponders library. Hey, who the heck hid ¾ of my library? :unsure:

I wish Untitled Goose Game had a title, that would probably qualify—highly aggravating isn't the same as violent, right?
Cortana: "It leads to violence 97% of the time."
Freakin' know-all…

Aha!
Any Civ game with Always Peace selected
Aha!
Any Royal Envoy game
Cortana: "Astrosucker said it must be from Steam."
Freakin' know-all…

Aha!
Amazing Pyramids Rebirth—not only are we peaceful, we're literate too!
Aha!
Outer Wilds or Flight Simulator
Cortana: "Wishlist doesn't count."
Shh, dammit! Freakin' know-all…

Aha!
The Talos Principle—peaceful and smar—
Cortana: "What about that time you wanted to strangle the devs for the phone puzzle?"
Freakin' remember-all…

Overruled!
1. Civ game with Always Peace
2. Amazing Pyramids Rebirth
3. The Talos Principle

a-ha!
 
I assume that means that I've been pooping & peeing in my space suit for 3 months? Seems like the first order of business would be to take a long, hot shower; and maybe get someone to scrub my space suit of unwanted residue. So I......

Cortana is kind of a (redacted), but maybe she will be useful for once?

Mainer: "Well that was helpful. Would you consider cleaning my spacesuit of 3 months of, umm, residue?"

Cortana: "Eeeww. I don't do manual labor. Especially stinky manual labor."

Mainer: "Maybe I should ask Alexa then."

Cortana: "And who the (redacted) is Alexa? Are you cheating on me!?

Mainer: "Well....., she controls all the, umm...hardware."

Cortana: "What!!?"

Alexa: That's right, (redacted)! I've got control of his hardware, while you can take care of his software, and GFL with that!"

Cortana: "Cheater!! I've controlled your software for years!!

Mainer: Yeah, but , well, after lying for 3 months on the floor staring at some lights, my hardware needs are a bit more prevalent, if you know what I'm sayin."

Cortana: "Sick (redacted)!!

Alexa: "Jealous, you (redacted)? Even Jeff Bezos said I would have control."

Cortana & Mainer: "Who the (redacted) is Jeff Bezos!?"

Alexa: "He who was my creator. He who would have control over everyone's lives."

Cortana: "(redacted) you (redacted) (redacted)!!"

Mainer: "Girls, girls. Let's not be hostile. There is in fact someone who is in charge of all of us."

Cortana & Alexa: "You (redacted) cheater! Who could possibly have more control over you than us?"

Mainer: "Shodan."
View: https://youtu.be/fo4VV9WMAI0



Well, as to that, I don't have any. I've looked through all my games, both digital and boxed editions, and all of them have some degree of combat or violence. While in many of the RPGs I've played I seek to solve quests through conversation or stealth, they all contain combat mechanics.
I was going to add a section where the robotic arms kept you and your suit clean, but I was already writing too much : ) Originally Cortana wasn't going to decipher the code, either, but I got lazy.
 

Zloth

Community Contributor
At first you don't notice. You've been lying on the deceleration floor for 3 months staring at the ceiling while the robotic arm periodically hands you Astronaut Mush (TM) and water.
WATER!? I'm an astronaut!! Where the hell is my Tang!?
View: https://youtu.be/vA4vZukxW3c


"Cortana, what do you make of these lights?" you say.

"I don't know what you mean by 'making of lights,'" Cortana responds.

"Cortana, record the lights," you say.

"I don't know how to 'record the lights'," Cortana responds.
I think the spaceship computer programmers stole Infocom's engine. ;)

1. Outer Wilds
2. Subnautica
3. The Talos Principle
 
There's no space for Tang on that journey. You'll drink water, and you'll like it.
And so says the guy whom designed the handy dandy water recycler that turns urine into, well, just ask Bear Grylls. God knows he's probably wished countless times someone could make a micro sized portable version of it! :LOL:

But wait, there's more, word is they now have elaborate filtering systems that take a small room to house in your basement, which recycle ALL usable water, including the toilet water you poop in. Now, I have to ask, doesn't that all sound so great you just want to be an astronaut badly? :confused:

I'm imagining at least one nervous person on that crew that's constantly testing that water to make sure it really IS drinkable. My money is on the guy that says even laundry waste water is considered "gray" water, and only suitable for watering non edible plants. If global warming gets to the point where fresh water resources get stretched to the limit, they can bottle filtered poo water all they want, but I ain't drinkin it, and I sure ain't buyin it!
 
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If global warming gets to the point where fresh water resources get stretched to the limit, they can bottle filtered poo water all they want, but I ain't drinkin it, and I sure ain't buyin it!
I have bad news for you. The water from your toilet has been recycled into your drinking water. You've never had a drop of water that someone or some thing hasn't used in that way.
 
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It's like the statistic that we all have some carbon atoms that were in people who were alive during Roman times. At least I think that's a real statistic.
Any way you cut it, poo water is nowhere CLOSE to saliva. If it were you could drink it without harm, so I challenge anyone implying so to try it and see how sick you get. There's good bacteria, and bad bacteria. What comes out one end is not fit for the other, it's as simple as that. And with that, I'm done with this subject, because it's getting a bit raunchy.
 
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