Since becoming a dad I’ve stopped playing pc so much. Advice wanted…

[KhaosEmerald]

EDIT: my kids and wife are my priority. Games form part of my professional life though so it’s good to discuss these things.

Okay, a little context needed here.

I was a console gamer with some light pc gaming for many years, then from 21-30 was really into my pc. Alongside that I’ve always enjoyed my Nintendo stuff etc.

However, in 2022 I became a dad, and whilst I still play games, this is rarely on pc.

All this being said, I still love pc gaming too, but between having 2 kids under 3, and trying to make time to spend with my wife it’s hard to strike a balance with that allows for me to sit playing pc.

My wife isn’t so keen about me sitting in my office to play games so I primarily play the switch.

The other side of all of this is that I’m currently completing a PhD on a very pc centric gaming topic. I’ve been told by an academic to pivot my focus post PhD based on my own changing engagement with gaming, ie looking at something Nintendo/arcade related. Though there is much more research happening on pc gaming at any time.

I’ve been toying with getting a steam deck because whilst it’s not totally pc gaming because of Linux, it would allow me to keep up with that world whilst also being a good dad/husband.

I just can’t decide what to do, as I have limited time and budget to dedicate to gaming anyways.

I either;

- sell my switch and get a steam deck
- keep my switch and save for a steam deck for 6 months
- try to make time to play my outdated gaming laptop a bit more
- save for a new desktop and hope I make the time for it
- reshuffle my gaming focus to handhelds and Nintendo in general

 

[COLGeek]

Priority 1: Be a good dad and husband.
Priority 2: Be a good student.
Priority 3: Revisit Priority 1

Simplify your life to focus on family first and then get your gaming stuff sorted out. Sounds to me like you may have these things reversed.

 

[KhaosEmerald]

Priority 1: Be a good dad and husband.
Priority 2: Be a good student.
Priority 3: Revisit Priority 1

Simplify your life to focus on family first and then get your gaming stuff sorted out. Sounds to me like you may have these things reversed.

I wouldn’t say so, the entire reason my life is balanced the way it is, is to be a good husband and dad

I only ask about this stuff because with games forming a good part of my professional life, it is important to work out where it fits and how best to engage with it

 

[COLGeek]

I wouldn’t say so, the entire reason my life is balanced the way it is, is to be a good husband and dad

I only ask about this stuff because with games forming a good part of my professional life, it is important to work out where it fits and how best to engage with it

Then what is absolutely needed for your studies? Focus on that. Not a wide range of toys. Get rid the rest.

What is your PhD field of study?

 

[KhaosEmerald]

Then what is absolutely needed for your studies? Focus on that. Not a wide range of toys. Get rid the rest.

What is your PhD field of study?

Ludology/cybernetics/game design.

Specifically I’m looking at left 4 dead 2, so that’s on my laptop for research and I barely play anything. I think you think I’m putting hours into gaming every week which isn’t the case at all.

I think being as blunt as ‘sell all your things’ isn’t massively helpful. Am I not allowed to have hobbies?

 

[ZedClampet]

EDIT: my kids and wife are my priority. Games form part of my professional life though so it’s good to discuss these things.

Okay, a little context needed here.

I was a console gamer with some light pc gaming for many years, then from 21-30 was really into my pc. Alongside that I’ve always enjoyed my Nintendo stuff etc.

However, in 2022 I became a dad, and whilst I still play games, this is rarely on pc.

All this being said, I still love pc gaming too, but between having 2 kids under 3, and trying to make time to spend with my wife it’s hard to strike a balance with that allows for me to sit playing pc.

My wife isn’t so keen about me sitting in my office to play games so I primarily play the switch.

The other side of all of this is that I’m currently completing a PhD on a very pc centric gaming topic. I’ve been told by an academic to pivot my focus post PhD based on my own changing engagement with gaming, ie looking at something Nintendo/arcade related. Though there is much more research happening on pc gaming at any time.

I’ve been toying with getting a steam deck because whilst it’s not totally pc gaming because of Linux, it would allow me to keep up with that world whilst also being a good dad/husband.

I just can’t decide what to do, as I have limited time and budget to dedicate to gaming anyways.

I either;

- sell my switch and get a steam deck
- keep my switch and save for a steam deck for 6 months
- try to make time to play my outdated gaming laptop a bit more
- save for a new desktop and hope I make the time for it
- reshuffle my gaming focus to handhelds and Nintendo in general

Use the Deck or the laptop to game in the same room with the kids. Just don't get too distracted. At that age, they can try to kill themselves about 3 times a minute.

No one should expect a parent to be sitting in the floor playing with dolls for hours every day. Schedule yourself. Set aside time to read to them every day, set aside time to wrestle, dance and generally goof around with them every day, and the rest of the time you can do your own stuff so long as you stay in the same room with them and periodically interact with them as they play.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is to always be available even while you are gaming. Show them that they are priority #1. If you are in the middle of a PvP match and one of them walks up to you to show you something, then die in the match. Pick up whatever they are showing you and make a big deal out of it. Show them lots of love. That's what they need more than anything. They'll have more confidence for the rest of their lives so long as you always make them first, particularly when they are small.

So play with a Steam Deck whenever you can, but stay around the kids while you do it, and be prepared to drop it--over and over--to let them know they are your priority.

This comes from the proud PC gaming dad of two wonderful young adults (by the way, you are going to have some great fun ahead playing co-op games with your kids), one of whom is studying computer engineering even as we speak thanks to my love of PC gaming.

 

[COLGeek]

Ludology/cybernetics/game design.

Specifically I’m looking at left 4 dead 2, so that’s on my laptop for research and I barely play anything. I think you think I’m putting hours into gaming every week which isn’t the case at all.

I think being as blunt as ‘sell all your things’ isn’t massively helpful. Am I not allowed to have hobbies?

Hobbies are always trumped by Priority 1 (from above).

The comment about "selling" was really more about focus. You have multiple toys and only so much time. Narrow down the scope to achieve the goals for Priority 2 and then you'll have more time overall.

My bluntness is intentional as you are seeking gaming advice from complete strangers on the internet. This suggests you want to keep up with your hobbies at the expense of what is truly important.

If I am wrong, I apologize.

 

[ZedClampet]

Hobbies are always trumped by Priority 1 (from above).

The comment about "selling" was really more about focus. You have multiple toys and only so much time. Narrow down the scope to achieve the goals for Priority 2 and then you'll have more time overall.

My bluntness is intentional as you are seeking gaming advice from complete strangers on the internet. This suggests you want to keep up with your hobbies at the expense of what is truly important.

If I am wrong, I apologize.

I bet he's a good dad. The Internet is relentlessly tiresome if you ever post about kids. He hasn't been a dad long enough to realize that, but he's getting a lesson today.

I'm not calling you out specifically. Everyone does it. We assume the worst and start lecturing because we want to be protective of kids. It is what it is.

 

[KhaosEmerald]

I bet he's a good dad. The Internet is relentlessly tiresome if you ever post about kids. He hasn't been a dad long enough to realize that, but he's getting a lesson today.

I'm not calling you out specifically. Everyone does it. We assume the worst and start lecturing because we want to be protective of kids. It is what it is.

This 100%

I’m told I’m a great dad by my family and wife.

For context, I only game when kids are in bed and I’ve spent some quality time with my wife and take care of household tasks.

My question was really more about platforms - I’ve built up a good library on switch but to get a steam deck I would have to leave that behind as I can’t justify multiple gaming platforms.

The deck seems great in many ways due to its library and the amount of stuff I already own for it, but I’m on the fence because of how much I like my switch. That said, I’ve been advised that most gaming research funding would relate more heavily to pc after I finish my PhD, hence the conundrum.

 

[Zimbaly]

How good is your laptop compared to a steam deck?
There's also other handheld pc gaming things too and they run windows.
I don't know how they are, but I got a steam deck and enjoy it for what I play on it.
It is limited that some newer games will not run well on it. Like Starfield = (

If your laptop is "outdated" could you get a more powerful cpu, more ram and an ssd
if ya don't have one so you can upgrade it. Might be for the same price or less of a deck
you can upgrade to be more powerful then it.... which means it would be better for gaming.

 

[Brian Boru]

Welcome to the forum

You've already noticed that kids completely take over both your lives, unless one of you focuses on them full time. That's just how it is, and a major shock to the system first time—but it should get easier in ~20 years time.

So if you save for 20 years…
No, wait, that's not quite right

I either;

- sell my switch and get a steam deck
- keep my switch and save for a steam deck for 6 months
- try to make time to play my outdated gaming laptop a bit more
- save for a new desktop and hope I make the time for it
- reshuffle my gaming focus to handhelds and Nintendo in general

Since you have a Nintendo library I would pick #2—keep Switch, save for Deck.
#4 desktop bad choice, almost certain to be small/no RoI.
#3 not feasible—your life isn't your own, so tailor accordingly.
#5 will happen if you go with #2.

Hopefully you'll get some input from other dads with young 'uns @Kaamos_Llama @Pifanjr and @BeardyHat who also loves his Deck

 

[KhaosEmerald]

How good is your laptop compared to a steam deck?
There's also other handheld pc gaming things too and they run windows.
I don't know how they are, but I got a steam deck and enjoy it for what I play on it.
It is limited that some newer games will not run well on it. Like Starfield = (

If your laptop is "outdated" could you get a more powerful cpu, more ram and an ssd
if ya don't have one so you can upgrade it. Might be for the same price or less of a deck
you can upgrade to be more powerful then it.... which means it would be better for gaming.

Thanks for the feedback!

I have an hp omen with an i7 8750h, 16gb ram and a gtx 1060 6gb, so some of the most recent stuff really doesn’t run on it at all.

As far as it goes, the steam deck would be a primarily a convenience purchase, as I would be able to play it sat on the sofa etc

 

[Alm]

If it were me, I would "keep my switch and save for a steam deck for 6 months". But seeing as the Switch 2 is imminently anticipated, my advice might be: If Switch 2 gets announced "sell my switch and get a steam deck".

EDIT: I know it's about 2x the price but I really liked the ROG Ally X. It has a great battery life and 1080p resolution. But I think it won't suit everyone so if you are tempted by that, maybe look into it and do some research.

 

[KhaosEmerald]

Welcome to the forum

You've already noticed that kids completely take over both your lives, unless one of you focuses on them full time. That's just how it is, and a major shock to the system first time—but it should get easier in ~20 years time.

So if you save for 20 years…
No, wait, that's not quite right



Since you have a Nintendo library I would pick #2—keep Switch, save for Deck.
#4 desktop bad choice, almost certain to be small/no RoI.
#3 not feasible—your life isn't your own, so tailor accordingly.
#5 will happen if you go with #2.

Hopefully you'll get some input from other dads with young 'uns @Kaamos_Llama @Pifanjr and @BeardyHat who also loves his Deck

Thanks for the input, I think you’re probably right. I could absolutely sell my switch but I think I would miss it. I’m still a big kid in many ways and I like my Nintendo games and indies that run great on switch, steam deck would be for different games

 

[KhaosEmerald]

If it were me, I would "keep my switch and save for a steam deck for 6 months". But seeing as the Switch 2 is imminently anticipated, my advice might be: If Switch 2 gets announced "sell my switch and get a steam deck".

EDIT: I know it's about 2x the price but I really liked the ROG Ally X. It has a great battery life and 1080p resolution. But I think it won't suit everyone so if you are tempted by that, maybe look into it and do some research.

I’m mostly waiting to see if the switch 2 will be backwards compatible in any fashion right now, as I have quite a few games for it.

I have been tempted by a ROG ally, but I’ve heard windows is rough on a handheld

 

[Alm]

I’m mostly waiting to see if the switch 2 will be backwards compatible in any fashion right now, as I have quite a few games for it.

I have been tempted by a ROG ally, but I’ve heard windows is rough on a handheld

I installed Bazzite on mine, which was vastly nicer experience than Windows but a bit of a faff. And not a 100% SteamOS clone.

 

[Pifanjr]

Thanks for the feedback!

I have an hp omen with an i7 8750h, 16gb ram and a gtx 1060 6gb, so some of the most recent stuff really doesn’t run on it at all.

As far as it goes, the steam deck would be a primarily a convenience purchase, as I would be able to play it sat on the sofa etc

Your "outdated" laptop is significantly better than my desktop, which still plays pretty much every game in my library.

I personally don't see what a Steam Deck could offer that your laptop cannot already do. The Steam Deck won't be able to run all of the latest AAA releases either, so you'd be spending several hundreds of dollars just for access to a very limited number of recent games, when you could just stick with the older/indie games that will run just fine on your laptop.

 

[BeardyHat]

I’ve been toying with getting a steam deck because whilst it’s not totally pc gaming because of Linux,

Que? Not that I'm a Linux diehard or anything, but Linux is quite a capable gaming OS these days.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiPDD3QGmBs

Your "outdated" laptop is significantly better than my desktop, which still plays pretty much every game in my library.

I personally don't see what a Steam Deck could offer that your laptop cannot already do. The Steam Deck won't be able to run all of the latest AAA releases either, so you'd be spending several hundreds of dollars just for access to a very limited number of recent games, when you could just stick with the older/indie games that will run just fine on your laptop.

I also don't see a thing wrong with OP's laptop, it's quite capable. When I game on my laptop, I'm using a thin & light with an external 5500 XT GPU and it's decently solid. My kids regularly play stuff on an old laptop with a 1060 and my oldest was just playing Mechwarrior 5 today on a PC with an old Xeon e3-somethingorother and a 750 Ti.

That said, what does a Steam Deck offer? Portable comfort and (almost) instant suspend and resume. Much of the time I have no interest in carting my whole laptop setup around the house and it isn't necessarily always feasible for where I want to sit, so the Steam Deck offers a level of versatility, which is the guiding principle of my life since I became a Father 7-years ago.

Which really is the idea after you're a parent and want to still be a gamer: You need versatility and not to be tied to anything you can't immediately put down. PvP and Online multiplayer is something I gave-up completely after being a Dad for awhile; more than a few times I'd be in a match of something and the (then) baby would start crying and I'd need to deal with it. It became a point of friction in my life to the point that I just needed to give them up entirely so that I could always be available when I needed to be.

And again we come back to the Deck, the Deck allows you to turn (almost) any game into a pick-up and play game (same goes for a Switch, I suppose, but I've never owned one), which is especially useful if you have a large PC library.

That said, aside from the PhD thesis about PC gaming, if OP already has a Switch, I don't see much use for a Deck unless they do have a large PC library and want access to many of the games that might not be available on the Switch.

At any rate, when my kids were babies, as OP, I began playing Retro Games and handhelds significantly more than ever before. I started using my 3DS, PSP and Vita for retro emulation, as it was unparalleled for a newer parent. Not only are the games more focused on gameplay, so no sweeping stories or quests to try and remember, but emulation provided me with a means to not only suspend the console, but to use Save States extensively, as well as Fast Forward and Rewind as needed. I still played PC games as time allowed, but being able to sneak in 5 minutes here and there on something like Advance Wars really kept me sane at the time (especially considering my youngest was born April 2020, oops.)

Given this, it might be worth OP picking up one of my favorite new handheld consoles: The Miyoo Mini

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfclsJzeyr0


Anyway, hope that makes sense. I've got a brief break here in the middle of cooking dinner. Sorry this is so long winded.

 

[Pifanjr]

Given this, it might be worth OP picking up one of my favorite new handheld consoles: The Miyoo Mini

I did also play a lot of emulated games, but I just used my phone, which works fine for all turn-based games.

I played a lot of mobile games from the Play Store as well. Most of the free games are trash, but there are still plenty decent options and most of them allow you to put them down and pick them back up whenever you want.

 

[Frindis]

- try to make time to play my outdated gaming laptop a bit more

Maybe this could be of interest: https://www.retro-exo.com/exodos.html. It has a smaller 5 GB version that lets you manually download the type of game you want to play. It's free and you'll find tons of different DOS games to enjoy, some that were also popular on the old Arcade machines.

It would be a quick way to jump into any genre you like and you would be able to play the games on just about any laptop. Installing the games is also very easy with the LaunchBox software that is included. There are options to slow/speed up games to your liking and different options for sound/graphics if you do want to tinker with that, but for the majority of the games I play, I just press play and it works.

If you have a lot of space or an external SSD/HDD, you could get the large pack and Media Add-On pack and then everything will be already compressed to the drive and you would not need to download anything after those large files. The Media Add-on gives you tons of old manuals, magazines, walkthroughs/strategy guides, video clips from the different games, which is a really cool thing if you want to dive into that.

In the LaunchBox software, there is also a setting for the most favored games, so if you do not have the time to search manually, you can just pick one from that list. You can also make your personalized playlist for easy access later.

 

[KhaosEmerald]

Que? Not that I'm a Linux diehard or anything, but Linux is quite a capable gaming OS these days.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiPDD3QGmBs




I also don't see a thing wrong with OP's laptop, it's quite capable. When I game on my laptop, I'm using a thin & light with an external 5500 XT GPU and it's decently solid. My kids regularly play stuff on an old laptop with a 1060 and my oldest was just playing Mechwarrior 5 today on a PC with an old Xeon e3-somethingorother and a 750 Ti.

That said, what does a Steam Deck offer? Portable comfort and (almost) instant suspend and resume. Much of the time I have no interest in carting my whole laptop setup around the house and it isn't necessarily always feasible for where I want to sit, so the Steam Deck offers a level of versatility, which is the guiding principle of my life since I became a Father 7-years ago.

Which really is the idea after you're a parent and want to still be a gamer: You need versatility and not to be tied to anything you can't immediately put down. PvP and Online multiplayer is something I gave-up completely after being a Dad for awhile; more than a few times I'd be in a match of something and the (then) baby would start crying and I'd need to deal with it. It became a point of friction in my life to the point that I just needed to give them up entirely so that I could always be available when I needed to be.

And again we come back to the Deck, the Deck allows you to turn (almost) any game into a pick-up and play game (same goes for a Switch, I suppose, but I've never owned one), which is especially useful if you have a large PC library.

That said, aside from the PhD thesis about PC gaming, if OP already has a Switch, I don't see much use for a Deck unless they do have a large PC library and want access to many of the games that might not be available on the Switch.

At any rate, when my kids were babies, as OP, I began playing Retro Games and handhelds significantly more than ever before. I started using my 3DS, PSP and Vita for retro emulation, as it was unparalleled for a newer parent. Not only are the games more focused on gameplay, so no sweeping stories or quests to try and remember, but emulation provided me with a means to not only suspend the console, but to use Save States extensively, as well as Fast Forward and Rewind as needed. I still played PC games as time allowed, but being able to sneak in 5 minutes here and there on something like Advance Wars really kept me sane at the time (especially considering my youngest was born April 2020, oops.)

Given this, it might be worth OP picking up one of my favorite new handheld consoles: The Miyoo Mini

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfclsJzeyr0


Anyway, hope that makes sense. I've got a brief break here in the middle of cooking dinner. Sorry this is so long winded.

Thank you for the comprehensive response, and please don’t apologise for the length of it. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.

I agree with what you’ve said - I rarely play pc and when I do, PvP is a bad move. Honestly I don’t find any joy in multiplayer now, everything is hyper competitive and I don’t really play games for that anyways so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

The only reason I was considering a steam deck was the library of games I have on pc, but I should probably just stick with the switch as I have a lot there too. The pick up and play nature of it is a huge bonus, and whilst I miss certain games that don’t come to it, my kids come first so I have more than enough to be playing.

Thanks for the heads up on the emulation handheld, might be a good idea! I regularly play my modded 3ds too and I think a pure emulation handheld would complete my gaming for the time being.

Where necessary for research I can always get my laptop out for the odd game etc, but I am very much a Nintendo fan so it makes sense to keep that console.

Here’s to us gaming dads juggling all our responsibilities 😂

 

[BeardyHat]

I did also play a lot of emulated games, but I just used my phone, which works fine for all turn-based games.

I played a lot of mobile games from the Play Store as well. Most of the free games are trash, but there are still plenty decent options and most of them allow you to put them down and pick them back up whenever you want.

Thanks for the heads up on the emulation handheld, might be a good idea! I regularly play my modded 3ds too and I think a pure emulation handheld would complete my gaming for the time being.

A phone would work just fine as well, but I just prefer having something dedicated.

And actually, one of the reasons I love the Miyoo Mini (and actually, the Gameboy Color as well. I used that a lot) is the fact that you can be holding a baby in one arm and then playing something turn based in the other. But maybe I'm just a freak with my long fingers; I can use a vertical handheld no problem in one hand.

 

[Pifanjr]

A phone would work just fine as well, but I just prefer having something dedicated.

And actually, one of the reasons I love the Miyoo Mini (and actually, the Gameboy Color as well. I used that a lot) is the fact that you can be holding a baby in one arm and then playing something turn based in the other. But maybe I'm just a freak with my long fingers; I can use a vertical handheld no problem in one hand.

I don't see why you couldn't do that with a phone? The emulators I've used support both portrait and landscape orientations.

 

[BeardyHat]

I don't see why you couldn't do that with a phone? The emulators I've used support both portrait and landscape orientations.

As I mentioned, I think it would work just fine and advantageously, you can move the onscreen buttons how you like, so they could all be in a vertical oriented line.

It's just a preference; I like having something other than my phone, as well as having physical buttons.