Slightly Snarky Steam Best Sellers for 14 Dec 2023

[ZedClampet]

#1 Steam Deck
Perpetual #1. I have a feeling this is the year @Brian Boru gets me one for Christmas.

#2 Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising
Released yesterday, this is an insufferable 2D anime fighter. If you don't want to lose your will to live, play with the sound and closed captioning off.

#3 House Flipper 2
Released a few minutes ago. Save 10 percent with the launch discount or save even more and get a free game if you buy the bundle that includes Thief Simulator.

#4 Lethal Company
Released Oct 23 and has already sold about 13 million copies. People like how it simulates tech companies by requiring ever higher profits before finally ejecting you into the void of space.

#5 The Finals
Skin selling platform. F2P kill people game released a week ago.

#6 Baldur's Gate 3
Sex game including bestiality. Released August 3.

#7 Pioneers of Pagonia
Born yesterday. The first colony sim released this year (if you don't count the other 200 that released before it)

#8 Hunt Showdown
On sale. Released in 2019. Crytek is currently busy resting on its laurels.

#9 Ready or Not
Just entered full release. If you think people around here know everything, you should try this game with randoms. Rocket surgeons, every one of them.

#10 Lost Ark
It's free, which means this made the top 10 strictly from people playing dress-up with their anime characters. Nevertheless, this is my game of the day. Without it, Call of Duty would have been in the top 10.

 

[Brian Boru]

I have a feeling

You got neurosurgeons down there? Or are they all busy with Ready or Not?

I can recommend one, if such a feeling recurs—it's not sth to let fester.

Rocket surgeons, every one of them

Or maybe good with Bing AI?

ETA: my bad, assumed it was a quiz game

Crytek is currently busy resting on its laurels

No

Crysis 4, I need Crysis 4, you hear me, Crytek? Well, unless it's like Crysis 2 or 3, of course… but what are the chances?

Anyway c'mon, I'm penciling in my calendar for the 30s, so ye have ~2 years to get it done.

this is my game of the day.

Excellent choice!

 

[Zloth]

Wow, my list looks very different just 10 hours later. The top entries are close, but...

1. Steam Deck
2. House Flipper 2
3. Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising (I think the name past "Granblue" was procedurally generated)
4. Baldur's Gate 3
5. Five Nights at Freddy's: Help Wanted 2
6. The Finals (not going to capitalize the whole name)
7. War Thunder
8. Call of Duty
9. Warhammer 40K: Rogue Trader
10. Warframe

Crysis 4, I need Crysis 4, you hear me, Crytek? Well, unless it's like Crysis 2 or 3, of course… but what are the chances?

We need "Crysis 2: No Really This Time" which actually continues the story from roughly where Crysis 1 left off. Write off the old 2 and 3 as "non-canonical" so we can forget they existed.

 

[ZedClampet]

Wow, my list looks very different just 10 hours later. The top entries are close, but...

1. Steam Deck
2. House Flipper 2
3. Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising (I think the name past "Granblue" was procedurally generated)
4. Baldur's Gate 3
5. Five Nights at Freddy's: Help Wanted 2
6. The Finals (not going to capitalize the whole name)
7. War Thunder
8. Call of Duty
9. Warhammer 40K: Rogue Trader
10. Warframe

We need "Crysis 2: No Really This Time" which actually continues the story from roughly where Crysis 1 left off. Write off the old 2 and 3 as "non-canonical" so we can forget they existed.

Yeah, it's just a snapshot and moves around. Did you do "global"?

 

[Brian Boru]

Write off the old 2 and 3 as "non-canonical" so we can forget they existed

Amen to forgetting, but I could care less about canonical—you've been hanging around these RPG types, haven't you? Got infected with the story bug—nasty critter, can turn you into a twitch player, which always brings a tear to my eye *sad face*

The Crysis 1 gameplay Crytek—well, the first half of both it and Warhead anyway—you can do it again! Consoles are a lot better now, they've been making them more like PCs with each generation, so you shouldn't have to compromise this time.

<aside>
Huh, how come Z-spelling doesn't work with "compromise"
I'll never get fluent in American Ah well, I have English, which is quite popular these days.

 

[Zloth]

Yeah, it's just a snapshot and moves around. Did you do "global"?

No... oh, there it is! Global makes a huge difference. EA SPORTS FC? I'm not abbreviating FC, that's the actual game name. Well, the company was Electronic Artists but then renamed to EA, so I guess they're just into that.

Amen to forgetting, but I could care less about canonical—you've been hamging around these RPG types, haven't you? Got infected with the story bug—nasty critter, can turn you into a twitch player, which always brings a tear to my eye *sad face*

Well... I can't argue with that. (Zloth backs away slowly, maintaining eye contact.)

 

[Brian Boru]

I'm not abbreviating FC, that's the actual game name

EA and Fifa parted ways, so this is maybe their new name for their annual football cash cow?

 

[Zloth]

Looks like it.

Yow. I don't think I've seen so many trademark symbols in a single Steam page before. There's even one for Jeep!

 

[ZedClampet]

EA and Fifa parted ways, so this is maybe their new name for their annual football cash cow?

Looks like it.

Yow. I don't think I've seen so many trademark symbols in a single Steam page before. There's even one for Jeep!

This is one case where I was on EA's side. FIFA wanted literally billions of dollars for EA to keep using the FIFA name. It was an utterly ridiculous demand, and EA just changed the name. From everything I read about FIFA, they aren't exactly the most upstanding group of people you'll ever meet.

 

[Brian Boru]

From everything I read about FIFA, they aren't exactly the most upstanding group of people you'll ever meet

Get the guitar, you can sure sing that one!

Applies to many international sports bodies tho. EUFA, IOC, World Rugby, F1 under Ecclestone… sport seems to be an area where wide boys can get away with all sorts of shenanigans.